Dawns Life
Well around here our days are getting better and brighter! Adam is starting to feel better about himself (from what I can tell) last night we sat and played a game...and boy did we laugh and have fun..we need to do those types of things more. I'm trying to be more of an equal to Adam and not be in so much control over everything. I know it will take me some time to get used to but hes willing to work with me on this and I know it will be good for the both of us. Tomorrow I have a Pampered Chef party so i'm trying to get everything ready for that and i'm also working on things for Aarons 1st birthday. Adam put in his leave chit so that we can go to Colorado for Aarons birthday. I'm so looking forward to getting away and having fun with Adam and Aaron at the state fair there in Pueblo. Aaron is a very lucky little boy to have such a wonderful daddy who loves him and cares for him...if only every little boy was so lucky!
This blog is used by me to keep up on the busy lifestyle of Aaron. My 7 year old is so busy at times I forget to stop and enjoy that he is still a kid. So this will allow me to look back on his life and enjoy it again after after the fact.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
being in control
Dawns Life
I'll admit it, I like to be in control of things. I like to be in control of things that happen in my life aswell as Adam and Aarons. I believe it all goes back to before my first marriage. I lived on my own and I was in control of my own life, I had my own place and didn't have to answer to anyone. Then I got married and he took it all away from me and turned me into something I didn't like, he belittled me and told me I was worthless and fat and ugly and that no one would ever love me the way that he did. and after 3 years of marriage I believed him. Then I met Adam and he taught me I deserved better than that and helped me become the strong person again that I once was. So its hard not to be in control over things. I don't want to turn back into the person I was with my first husband, I didn't like that person I was, but in the same time if I don't I might loose this husband. I'm very lost right now.
I'll admit it, I like to be in control of things. I like to be in control of things that happen in my life aswell as Adam and Aarons. I believe it all goes back to before my first marriage. I lived on my own and I was in control of my own life, I had my own place and didn't have to answer to anyone. Then I got married and he took it all away from me and turned me into something I didn't like, he belittled me and told me I was worthless and fat and ugly and that no one would ever love me the way that he did. and after 3 years of marriage I believed him. Then I met Adam and he taught me I deserved better than that and helped me become the strong person again that I once was. So its hard not to be in control over things. I don't want to turn back into the person I was with my first husband, I didn't like that person I was, but in the same time if I don't I might loose this husband. I'm very lost right now.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
MY life in a nut shell...
Dawns Life
Well we are now home from Lemoore..what an eventful trip we had...lol Adam talked to the doctors and Aaron and I hung out...end of story. Adam and I did get to talk some by ourselves. This is the first time we really have got to do this since he tried to kill himself. I don't think he understood how hurt I was by all of this. To him, he didn't think I would care that he wanted to kill himself. We do have some issues that we need to work out. The big one is talking to each other...he needs to learn how to open up to me more and not be so affraid of how i'm going to react. and in the process I need to learn how to be more understanding aswell. I guess my marriage isn't all that wonderful after talking with him, to him he feels like my slave and all I do is tell him what to do and how to do it. So now I guess i'm gonna have to learn to do more things for myself and not ask so much out of him. Adam doesn't feel like he has his own life anymore..all he feels like is hes my husband and Aarons dadddy. Geeze I know how he feels...anymore all I am is Aarons mommy and in my spare time i'm Adams wife...but until Aaron gets old enough I guess thats how its gonna be. But i'm ok with it, but Adam needs more in life then just being a husband and a daddy and I understand that. What I don't understand is why he turns to porn, but then again he doens't know why either so I guess I'll never find out until he figures it out for himself. He said he turned to porn not because we have a bad marriage because he doesn't really feel we have a bad marriage just so things need to be worked out more. And he said he doesn't get sexual satifacation from it, so i'm not really sure, I figure if he can't figure it out then I shouldn't be able to either since it makes no sence to me. One day I hope he figures out what bothers him so much and why he finds it necessary to look at porn and go to online dating sites to find other women since he says nothing is wrong with our marriage. To me if he has to go to all of this something is wrong and hes just not tell me the whole truth. Well thats my life in a nut shell.....
Well we are now home from Lemoore..what an eventful trip we had...lol Adam talked to the doctors and Aaron and I hung out...end of story. Adam and I did get to talk some by ourselves. This is the first time we really have got to do this since he tried to kill himself. I don't think he understood how hurt I was by all of this. To him, he didn't think I would care that he wanted to kill himself. We do have some issues that we need to work out. The big one is talking to each other...he needs to learn how to open up to me more and not be so affraid of how i'm going to react. and in the process I need to learn how to be more understanding aswell. I guess my marriage isn't all that wonderful after talking with him, to him he feels like my slave and all I do is tell him what to do and how to do it. So now I guess i'm gonna have to learn to do more things for myself and not ask so much out of him. Adam doesn't feel like he has his own life anymore..all he feels like is hes my husband and Aarons dadddy. Geeze I know how he feels...anymore all I am is Aarons mommy and in my spare time i'm Adams wife...but until Aaron gets old enough I guess thats how its gonna be. But i'm ok with it, but Adam needs more in life then just being a husband and a daddy and I understand that. What I don't understand is why he turns to porn, but then again he doens't know why either so I guess I'll never find out until he figures it out for himself. He said he turned to porn not because we have a bad marriage because he doesn't really feel we have a bad marriage just so things need to be worked out more. And he said he doesn't get sexual satifacation from it, so i'm not really sure, I figure if he can't figure it out then I shouldn't be able to either since it makes no sence to me. One day I hope he figures out what bothers him so much and why he finds it necessary to look at porn and go to online dating sites to find other women since he says nothing is wrong with our marriage. To me if he has to go to all of this something is wrong and hes just not tell me the whole truth. Well thats my life in a nut shell.....
IN CA
Dawns Life
well here we are in Lemoore CA with Adam while he is here going to the hospital. Aaron and I are just taking it easy and enjoying time with daddy. Tomorrow we are heading home, after adams appt with the doctor. I'll write again in a couple of days!
well here we are in Lemoore CA with Adam while he is here going to the hospital. Aaron and I are just taking it easy and enjoying time with daddy. Tomorrow we are heading home, after adams appt with the doctor. I'll write again in a couple of days!
Sunday, July 24, 2005
today...
Dawns Life
well today was a nice day...Adam and Aaron let me sleep in! We took Adams dad for a ride over to see Lake Tahoe. It was very pretty over there today and the weather was awesome not to hot at all (nothing like Fallon) we have been having breaking numbers here..over 100 for the past week, so it was really nice to get up into the cooler numbers. Tomorrow we take Adams dad to the airport then we are off to Lemoore so Adam can be seen at the hospital over there. Its about a 7 hour drive for us so we are leaving tomorrow to make it easier on us so we don't have to leave so early on Monday since his appt is at 1400. Adam and I are taking one day at a time now and enjoying eachother and Aaron. It just reminds me daily how quickly someone you love can be taken from you. I'm very greatful that Adam is here with Aaron and I..I can't imagine life without the one I love and cherish. Well I'm heading to bed..I'll write more later on!
well today was a nice day...Adam and Aaron let me sleep in! We took Adams dad for a ride over to see Lake Tahoe. It was very pretty over there today and the weather was awesome not to hot at all (nothing like Fallon) we have been having breaking numbers here..over 100 for the past week, so it was really nice to get up into the cooler numbers. Tomorrow we take Adams dad to the airport then we are off to Lemoore so Adam can be seen at the hospital over there. Its about a 7 hour drive for us so we are leaving tomorrow to make it easier on us so we don't have to leave so early on Monday since his appt is at 1400. Adam and I are taking one day at a time now and enjoying eachother and Aaron. It just reminds me daily how quickly someone you love can be taken from you. I'm very greatful that Adam is here with Aaron and I..I can't imagine life without the one I love and cherish. Well I'm heading to bed..I'll write more later on!
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